Tears flooded my eyes as a peace transformed my soul. This was it. This was a changing moment that would never leave my memory.
Right there in the Heine Brothers parking lot. A rainy Sunday afternoon on the brink of autumn.
Right in front of Heine Brothers, the car seat was reclined as I stared out the window. The words raptured my heart and I knew this was it...
"You've brought me to the end of myself...and this has been the longest road...just when my hallelujah was tired, you gave me a new song...I'm letting go, I'm letting go
I'm letting go...and falling into You"
Lord, you've brought me to the end of myself...
I'm letting go.
I have to. There's nothing certain left to cling unto.
"Never have I been so empty," I thought. Hot tears of pure exhaustion ran down my cheeks and tickled my neck.
The air condition gently blew. I looked over at my dear friend, also reclined...eyes closed. A peace covering her face. A faint smile tickling her lips.
Surrounded. I felt surrounded.
I faced back forward as I let the words continue to wash over me...
"You remind me of things forgotten...you unwind me until I'm totally undone. And with Your arms around me, fear was no match for Your love....
Now You've won me."
There went the waterworks.
All feelings of insufficiency, exhaustion, anger, and mourning collapsed in that solitary moment.
He had won me.
He had won me.
As the last notes of the song faded, my dear friend opened her eyes and positioned herself to face me.
"Lyd," her knowing voice called.
"I have this image in my head...a certain 'playing out' of your situation He has given me...You were being courted by many suitors." She continued to list the multiple involvements I devote great attention and time to.
"Those things have exhausted you. Worn you out and given you temporary happiness. And they are most certainly gifts from Him. But at last, you have let Him grab you. He has won you, Lyd. He has won you."
More tears.
"I have never seen you so free. Never seen you so open to his calling...no clenched fists."
Looking down, my hands were palms up.
"Never so in love with Him, never so dependent."
He has won me over.
And in that Heine Brothers parking lot, something changed. A level of my life felt unlocked...freed.
I know who Lydia Grace Johnson is.
Apart from musical theatre, school, decisions to be made...I know who I am. These suitors have merely aided in the cultivation of me.
At the end of me, in the midst of exhaustion, He has won me.
Pulling out of that parking lot, something had changed. Oh, most certainly, dark days were ahead. Many days since have been spent on a spot I affectionately call my "emotion couch." But more than ever before, my hands are open. My joy is not my own. A happiness I have never known is growing within. I sometimes hate my days. But I walk. And I know.
Oh, I know.
He has won me.
No turning back....no turning back....
P.S. May this song captivate you as much as it did me...
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