Dealing With the Different Door

Sometimes, our minds get so set and determined on what we believe God has in store for us. We bank  on a certain response, result, or reaction. When that response, result, or reaction doesn't occur or isn't reality, we have a tendency to doubt the One who is sovereign over all. "How unfair is He?" "Wasn't this the best way?" "Others affirmed the result...why didn't you allow it to be?"

Dealing with the different door will forever be one of the most difficult parts of the Christian walk. There comes a time when all that we think is right and certain becomes void. Valueless. Trite, foolish, worthy of being discarded.

Because He will always have His way.

For a light example, examine the female's relationship with the website "Pinterest." One is able to "pin" a multitude of recipes, decor ideas, outfits, wedding paraphernalia, hair styles, and even cute kids or well-dressed men onto corresponding boards. For a brief moment, one can have easy access to a dream body and closet, perfect home, insanely unrealistic nails and hair, and delicious food. No stress, no hassle, no work. After a click of a button, boom...those Christian Loubiton heels are "yours" for the enjoying. 

But then we have to log off. 

Reality strikes again, and we realize that our clothes aren't quite the most flashy. Our homes are a wreck. Our friends aren't models, nor is the "buddy-system" for working out a realistic thing. Our husbands and boyfriends mostly could care less about looking like they walked off a J Crew shoot, and frequently, our meals consist of a rapidly thrown-together casserole.

But how beautiful are the lives we lead. 

Our homes are shelter...lived in and filled with the giggles and memories of life.

Our friends are the joy of our hearts, the text that makes us smile, the cry and laugh when we need one.

Our husbands and boyfriends are models of Christ's great love, striving to be leaders...leaders that need our support.

Our meals are a special time. Not for gourmet hullabaloo, for for revitalizing conversation.

And yet, we desire a different path. So much so, that the discontentment we feel steals the joy possible in our circumstances today. 

In all actuality, we aren't dealing with "the different door." We are right where He wants us. Whether you feel like a complete failure, a mistake, or numb from disappointment...you are right where you need to be: in the center of His grace.

At His mercy.

We have lost sight of Romans 8:29. Almost all have heard or read Romans 8:28, "And God works for the good of those who love him..." But so many have missed the vital message of the following verse: "For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son..."

His children are continually being molded into the image of his Son. And I don't remember construction ever being a "fun" or pleasurable idea. 

So right where you are is right where you are. The perfect door.

Make your desires His, and maybe it won't seem so different anymore.

The Truth Behind My Modesty

Being a girl is tough. Being a girl who loves and worships Jesus is even tougher.

But don't be mistaken...

It's worth it.

Spending a week at the beach, I feel out of place. Everywhere I look, I see girls in bikinis that barely cover anything. Now, I'm not judging these girls. I'm just filled with thought.

I understand them. I understand the desire to have fun. Be cute. Be sexy. Get attention. Feel special.

I'm a girl too, you know.

All my life, I've been told that I'm not allowed to wear a two-piece. No, this isn't a "homeschool thing", as so many of us call our lifestyle habits stemming from our educational "quirks". This was simply a decision my parents made that I "had to" respect my entire life.

You know, eventually, when you live a certain way, you begin to believe the thought behind that lifestyle. If you believe you're fat, you're going to eat like it. If you believe you're talented, you're going to speak like it. And because of my parents' decision for my modesty, made before I even had the chance to decide for myself, I am modest.

Don't get me wrong...how I would love to wear an adorable Lilly Pulitzer two piece on the beach. But I simply cannot.

After all my summers of wearing a one piece, the decision my parents made has become my own.

I could wear a two piece. If I really wanted to, I could lie and sneak around and wear a bikini. 

"Why would you continue to wear a one piece?", you might ask. And how in the world, after being surrounded by so many people making different decisions, could I keep confidence?

I don't keep confidence. 

I have to make a continual decision to stick to what I know to be true.

A decision to protect the boys and men around me. I have three brothers, and I would never want to put their minds in danger...why tempt someone else's brother or boyfriend?

A decision to protect my body...saving it for the husband I've prayed for my entire life.

A decision to create a visual image for the different lifestyle of purity I've chosen.

I'm modest because I know that my body is not my own.

"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) This body is one that I can exploit or treasure, protect or distort...I've been entrusted with it to serve and love and encourage. 

The confidence will follow the decisions.

Many think that their motives make a difference in bikini-wearing.

Excuse me for being blunt.

Motives don't matter when wearing a bikini. A bikini is a bikini. A boy doesn't see your heart's focus...whether it's to be sexy or just have fun and wear a cute suit. I want everyone to see Jesus in me...not my boobs or butt.

My job is to 1) Glorify Jesus and 2) Bring others closer to Him. If I have distracted someone from that cause, how I have grieved the Father's heart.

"For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world." (1 John 2:16)

So for these reasons, tomorrow, and every summer, I will be wearing a one piece to the beach. Not because I'm "old-fashioned" or judgmental.

But because I want to be different. 

I know Whose I am.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Romans 12:2

Missing the Mark

Almost every morning, I automatically roll out of bed and hit my knees in prayer and devotion time. "Oh, what a wonderful habit!", you might be thinking. 

These past few months, my time with Jesus has been short. And shallow. I have rushed myself to eat breakfast, begin school, and "start my day". How little do I realize that Jesus is the only way and reason to start my day. He is the fuel under my fire, the gas in my tank, and the breath in my lungs. And I give Him two second of, "Please help me speak kindly to my siblings" and "Please give me an 'A' on this American History Exam". Bare traces of prayer for opportunity to serve can be found in these times, as I leap from my knees to start a day with an incomplete spirit. 

I know, as humans, we love to be served. And we love our time. Well, let's just face it: WE LOVE US.  We were born with this ingrained into our sinful nature. And for me, it has gotten to a point where I am so obsessed with myself and my schedule, that I don't give Jesus more than five minutes of my morning. How can I ever feel full, ever witness, ever be where I'm supposed to be if I don't listen to Him? This honesty hurts me. Jesus deserves so much more from me. 

I often think we as American Christians undermine Christianity and the power/necessity of prayer. I mean completely and utterly miss the dedication and death it requires of our feeble mortality. If you have ever read the "Screwtape Letters" (written by my dear "friend", C.S. Lewis), you will know the ferocity of the spiritual battle that takes place daily for your soul. And while this battle rages, we are content to stuff our mind with ESPN, shopping, academics, and secular music. These things slowly become our standards. Truly, think about your life, and what you allow into your heart every day. You were made for more than listening to that radio station. You were made for more than settling for that boy. You were made for more than sitting on your phone hours a day. 

“Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one--the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.", claims the "affectionate" Uncle Screwtape to his devilish apprentice. 

This quote makes me shudder. How we miss the mark. How we allow Satan's casual slope of noise and secularity "scoot" us right past Jesus. How I allow the most important part of my day to be overcome with stress and a divided mind. I'm begging you-- wake up. Don't miss the mark. Pick up your arrows and run like the wind.

"...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverancethe race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Hebrews 12:1-3

The Summer I Became A Young Woman

My lunch is packed. My backpack sits in the mudroom waiting for the morning. My uniform is pressed, and new school shoes wait in my closet. August 27 is tomorrow... yes, the day I start Junior Year.

This summer has been one of the most interesting experiences I've ever underwent.

I went to New York and studied under some of the biggest names to grace the biggest of stages. I saw four Broadway shows. I played Messy Twister, and got paint in my hair. I swam and read the Hunger Games. I got sunburnt, and also had hilarious experiences with spray tanning. I learned to drive, and got my Restricted License. I babysat. I taught a dance camp to sweet young girls in my basement. I worshipped the Lord with my Collide family every Sunday. I had a picnic with my siblings. I rolled my sunroof down and sang as loud as I could on country backroads. I competed in the Coca Cola Talent Classic. I competed and danced with some of my very best friends ever... my OCPT family. I performed in "The Music Man". I earned my Pointe Shoes and took classes weekly. I'm in an incredible Bible Study with an incredible group of sisters in Christ. I watched golf matches, baseball games, and have had my fair share of "bleacher butt". I ate countless ounces of froyo, and drank liters upon liters of tea. I shopped alot, laughed alot, loved alot. I fell off a stage in a performance. I cuddled on rainy days to watch movies and read the very best of stories. I've cried and celebrated. 

I've done it all this summer.

And God has taught me more about Himself and myself than ever before.

I became a young woman. I do my own laundry, go to the gas station, and am looking for a job. I drive myself to auditions, practices, and meetings. I'm scheduling college trips. I became a young woman.

Looking at Sophomore Year, I was being prepared for who I am today, and who I am consistently becoming. I will never be finished...no, I believe we are always growing, always being molded in the gentle, steady hands of the Father. But I have been pounded lately. I feel a lump in my throat as the bittersweet feeling of adulthood draws nearer and nearer. My dear Mom and Dad no longer hold me as tightly as they did six months ago. My wings are crumpled, but will soon be ready to expand to full capacity.... ready to fly.

So what has He taught me? That He is always present. That He is enough. That even when I lose, I win. That He has the perfect plan for my life. That He knows the desires of my heart. That He wants to use my passions and abilities. That He loves when I laugh, and mourns when I mourn. That He never leaves me. Ever.

And here I am. Sitting at my desk with the feeling of a fresh school year looming all around me. How do I feel? Honestly, I don't know. Burdened by the thoughts of countless hours in chairs huddled over books and papers. Thrilled by the smell of future bonfires, and the roar of coming football games...theology yet to be learned, and books waiting to be read. Every day holds a new gift. How could I possibly wish those gifts away? For I am becoming a young woman. A young woman with a purpose within each day. I will not mourn the summer's end, no, I will rejoice in this new season's start. It is here, and I will rise to meet it with grace and dignity. And just because it's good for me doesn't mean it won't hurt. 

Glory to Him for allowing me to experience the joys, challenges, and beauty of Summer 2013.

For I became a young woman.

My Babies

One look at my Lilly Pulitzer planner can tell you nearly everything about my life. Church, dance, Bible Study, performances, dates with friends, auditions, and soon, yes, *gulp*.... school. My days are frequently packed with the good and the bad, the expected and the unexpected. 

But every once in a while, God grants me the gift of an outside view. A way to simply take a step back from the "mayhemish" throng of my "high schoolness" to receive a glimpse of the delicate beauty this life holds.

And one of those glimpses was granted to me yesterday.

A dear friend of mine joined me for a cup of tea at a local Java, and I sat listening to her words of wisdom. The laughter and joy we share over the smell of mocha and cinnamon is a most delightful combination of feelings. ;) We went to pick up her daughter from her school down the road, and before the three of us parted ways, we sat in my black 2006 Honda Pilot as rain pattered softly on the windows. The stresses of a new school year, the day's assignments given, and the past weekend's occurrences were the topics of our conversation. But after the light of those conversations began to die out, my dear friend looked at me with eyes filled with sparkles of passion. She began to speak some of the dearest and most insightful words I may have ever heard.

"Lydia," she started. "The Holy Spirit gave me a word for you this morning."

*PAUSE*

 Anytime someone gives you a word from the Lord, listen closely.

*RESUME*

"I know that this time of your life seems difficult and filled with challenges. You long for something more and for that something called 'someday'. Yet, you have so many beautiful opportunities and incredible times with family/friends in the palms of your hands," she continued. "I remember when I was a young mom. Diapers and strollers were the norm. People would tell me not to wish away those times because, well, they would disappear before I knew it! Lydia, these times are your babies. One day, you won't be able to be as free with your time and energy as you are now. Treasure the moments with family and friends. Random coffee dates and runs on the Anchorage Trail. These are your 'babies'."

Those words reached something deep within me that my dearest friend couldn't know she had reached. Which truly displays that those WERE words from the Holy Spirit alone. 

And she was completely right. Some days, I cannot wait for something more. I long for a day where I am out of school, free to perform and work full time where my heart has always longed to be...the stage. And let's face it...everyone longs for that "something more" at one or more stages in their lives. 

But we must treasure our babies. Learn to enjoy the stinky points...the changing of the diapers. Learn to work through new stages with delicate force...baby food to solids. Learn to embrace importance of the thrilling and heart-swelling times...the first steps and the quiet, sudden giggle.

Because one day, that giggle will turn into a full-blown laugh. And then we will realize how important the diapers, the baby food, and the giggles were. The prepared us for who we are today.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

NIV