Lessons At The Barre

I stood at the barre, ten minutes into ballet class. “This is ridiculous; I’m never gonna make it through this next hour of plies and tendus. I HATE BALLET. Why do I have to take this class?! I feel so fat, oh my gosh, look at my butt hanging out of this ridiculous leotard. Oh dear, Philip probably thinks I’m a failure. He just got back from working professionally in New York…what does he think of my technique? Oh my, what am I doing? This HURTS! If THIS is what it takes to ‘make it on Broadway’…”

Class proceeded as it always does, and my hatred for ballet grew. The movements are not natural to my body, and it hurts with every new combination. I don’t enjoy the slow rhythm or the legato steps I am forced to perform. And honestly, on a late Thursday evening, all I want is bed.

On and on my mind groaned, moaned, and conjured up every excuse I could use to get out of class. Nothing truly realistic presented itself, and I wasn’t getting ready to roll my ankle, but I was close. Veeerrrry close.

Philip made his way over to the barre to introduce a new combination of degages. Now, if you aren’t familiar with the dance world, a degage is a brushing of the foot to a 25-degree (or higher) level above the ground. As my instructor continued to describe the sequence, my mind began to wander again… “Oh, I have so many lines to memorize. I wish I didn’t have to go into work tomorrow. I bet my car will be super cold when I get outta here.” However, Philip said one sentence that snapped me to the present; almost as if Jesus brought me through the class just for these few words….

“Now, when you apply the pressure of the force, it will propel you to the desired destination.”

OKAY, LORD! I GET IT! I NEED THIS SEASON TO PROPEL ME TO WHERE I NEED TO BE! I GET IT! I NEEDED THE CHANGE OF SCHOOL! I NEEDED CERTAIN RELATIONSHIPS TO END! I NEEDED THE ROLE IN THIS SHOW! I NEEDED THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THIS TOUGH, NEW JOB! I NEEDED THE ACT SCORE THAT I GOT SO I COULD DO IT AGAIN AND DEVELOP PERSEVERANCE! I GET IT, I FINALLY TRULY GET IT.

Phew, breathe. So yes, THAT’S the truth. Sometimes it’s healing to just throw it out there. REALLY throw it out there. The soul-purging type of realization and pondering.

Where I am is so lovely, yet I can be so blind. How I want the next and the bigger and the BEST! But the best is right now…living in His will, reveling in this season….and in the “now,” he prepares us for the next. The multiple forces He has applied and allowed in my life are propelling me in the desired direction. Isn’t that beautiful?! The hurt we presently suffer is creating within us the ability to face life with stronger trust in our sole Provider.

He holds my dreams. He knows them. I’ve given them to Him in faithful prayer again and again…crying out in the shower or my bedroom floor or my sweet Honda Pilot. He has heard me. And I know that His plans for me far exceed what I could dream. They’re not for me necessarily, but certainly do involve me. And I am so humbled to think that He, the Artist of all nations, would care enough to discipline and strengthen such a sinner as myself.

Oh yes, God. Yes to You and the mighty strength of your goodness. I am not worthy to come before such a beautiful and singularly great Force…the only One able to propel the Kingdom to its desired destination.